I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
