Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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