i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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