I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
