Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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