totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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