the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
