Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
