Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
