Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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