ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
