So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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