I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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