I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
