I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
