I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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