I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
