if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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