Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
