non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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