My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
