Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
