Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
