Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I bet he comes in French.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
