shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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