I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
