Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
