I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
