Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize