Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
