so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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