be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
