im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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