somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The air was thick with penises
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
