i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
