I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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