I wanna passion pit in your ass
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
