can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
