there's paper in my vomit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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