quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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