He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
