I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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