Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Damn victory sex feels great
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