woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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