There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
