i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
