I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
