i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
