I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
