The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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