I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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