Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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