Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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