Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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