Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
