dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
