he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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