Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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