Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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