two words: eviction party
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
