Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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