You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You ate ashes out of my bong
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize