Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I died a long time ago.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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