:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
