I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
