Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
