suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
