I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
