escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
