So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize