at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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