it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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