Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I forget how to act sober
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
