why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
