...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
