I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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