The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
