Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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