mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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