I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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