i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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