T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
