He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My vagina is officially offended.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
