He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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