i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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