you guys were way drunker than both of me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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